The Gift of Listening

The Gift of Listening

Dear brothers, don’t ever forget that it is best to listen much, speak little, and not become angry. James 1:19 (tlb) understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.
James 1:19 (Amp.)

How well would your partner say you listen? You have probably not asked him or her, have you? Would your partner say you are a ready listener, a reluctant listener or a selective listener? If you don’t know, ask.

While you are at it, ask, “How could I be a better listener?” As he or she shares, keep in mind this passage: “If you profit from constructive criticism you will be elected to the wise men’s hall of fame. But to reject criticism is to harm yourself and your own best interests” (Prov. 15:31,32, TLB).

Have you ever said to your future partner, “Yes, I hear you”? Probably. But hearing isn’t listening. Consider this:
Hearing is basically to gain content or information for your own purposes.

Listening is caring for and being empathetic toward the person who is talking.

Hearing means that you are concerned about what is going on inside you during the conversation. Listening means you are trying to understand the feelings of your partner and are listening for the person’s sake.

Think about this. Listening means that when your partner is talking to you:

1. You are not thinking about what you are going to say when he or she stops talking. You are not busy formulating your response. You are concentrating on what is being said and are putting into practice Proverbs 18:13.

2. You are completely accepting what is being said without judging what he or she is saying or how he or she says it. You may fail to hear the message if you are thinking that you don’t like your partner’s tone of voice or the words he or she is using.

You may react on the spot to the tone and content and miss the meaning. Perhaps he or she hasn’t said it in the best way; but why not listen and then come back later when both of you are calm and discuss the proper wording and tone of voice?

Acceptance does not mean you have to agree with the content of what is said. Rather, it means you understand that what your partner is saying is something he or she feels.

3. You should be able to repeat what your partner has said and what you think he or she was feeling while speaking to you. Real listening implies an obvious interest in your partner’s feelings and opinions and an attempt to understand them from his or her perspective.

You can learn to listen, for it is a skill to be learned. Your mind and ears can be taught to hear more clearly.

Your eyes can be taught to see more clearly. But the reverse is also true. You can learn to hear with your eyes and see with your ears. Jesus said:

“Therefore I speak to them in parables; because while seeing they do not see, and while hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand.

And in their case the prophecy of Isaiah is being fulfilled, which says, ‘You will keep on hearing, but will not understand; and you will keep on seeing, but will not perceive; for the heart of this people has become dull, and with their ears they scarcely hear, and they have closed their eyes lest they should see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart and return, and I should heal them’ ” (Matt. 13:13-15, NASB).

Let your ears hear and see. Let your eyes see and hear. One of the greatest gifts you will ever give your partner is listening with your undivided attention. Difficult? Perhaps. Possible to do? Definitely.

Remember the one who listens to you no matter what and how you say it. God is our model for listening. We may be imperfect in our skills, but He isn’t.

Let Him help you become a better listener. Remember, unless there is listening, there is no communication.