Remember that every burden is easier to carry when you have the shoulders of two instead of one. When you are weary and discouraged, look to Jesus to refresh and strengthen you.

A Marriage Benediction

To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—to the only god our savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through jesus christ our lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! amen.
Jude 24,25

A benediction is usually prayed at the conclusion of the wedding service. You may want to use the following benediction, compiled from various sources:

May your marriage bring you all the fulfillment a marriage should bring and may the Lord give you patience, tolerance and understanding.

May it be full of joy and laughter, as well as comfort and support. May you discover the true depth of love through loving one another.

Remember that every burden is easier to carry when you have the shoulders of two instead of one. When you are weary and discouraged, look to Jesus to refresh and strengthen you.

May you always need one another—not so much to fill your emptiness, as to help you to know your fullness.

May you always need one another, but not out of weakness. Rejoice in and praise one another’s uniqueness, for God is the creator of both male and female and differences in personality.

Be faithful to one another in your thoughts and deeds and above all, be faithful to Jesus. May you see the marriage bed as an altar of grace and pleasure.

May you remember that each time you speak to one another you are talking to someone that God has claimed and told, “You are very special.” View and treat your partner as one who was created in the image of God.

Remember that you are not to hold your partner captive, but to give freedom to become all that God wants the person to be. May you then embrace and hold one another, but not encircle one another.

May God renew your minds so you look to draw out the best and the potential in one another.

Look for things to praise, never take one another for granted, often say, “I love you” and take no notice of little faults. Affirm one another, defer to one another and believe in your partner.

If you have differences that push you apart, may both of you have good sense enough to take the first step back.

May the words “You’re right,” “Forgive me” and “I forgive you” be close at hand.

Thank You, heavenly Father, for Your presence here with us and for Your blessing upon this marriage.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

You need to be patient with one another. Humans are odd creatures. Not only are our partners funny ducks at times, but you, too, have many quirks that can grate on the nerves of your partner.

The Art of Patience in Marriage

A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense. – Proverbs 19:11

How will you respond when your partner does any of the following:

• Forgets to write down a phone message or forgets to phone about being 15 minutes late for dinner.

• Doesn’t put down the garage door when leaving for work or doesn’t note written checks in the register.

• Eats more ice cream than you would prefer or spends more time hammering away in the workshop than you would like.

• Talks on the telephone too much or thinks you need more exercise.

• Likes to go shopping, but never calls ahead to see if the store carries the product desired or hates to go shopping and never lends a hand in buying groceries or household items.

This is small stuff that can become big stuff. In every marriage, each day produces many small offenses. You will need to learn to ignore the little offenses to make your marriage work.

The more you attack every small infraction of your self-styled rules and regulations, the less room you will find for love and affection in your marriage. It helps to laugh more and legislate less.

You need to be patient with one another. Humans are odd creatures. Not only are our partners funny ducks at times, but you, too, have many quirks that can grate on the nerves of your partner.

You have many weaknesses your spouse will not see in the early days of your honeymoon. We have many habits that can be taken as insensitivity.

God’s Word offers some more advice, “So don’t criticize each other any more. Try instead to live in such a way that you will never make your brother stumble by letting him see you doing something he thinks is wrong” (Rom. 14:13, TLB).

Wisdom leads to patience—to letting the little offenses go. “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense” (Prov. 19:11). To grow in your marriage, you will need to grow in maturity and wisdom.

Overlooking an offense is not the work of the spiritually immature. Each day couples have countless conflicts, most of which would never happen if people would let the little ones go. Pride, however, gets in the way.

Pride leads to impatience. Pride is the fruit of folly. Folly is the opposite of wisdom. Some people strut about, puffed up in their self-importance, pushing too hard and telling people off. It is better to be humble and let the little ones go. Don’t sweat the small stuff. It is not worth it.

Notice the opening verse: “It is to his glory to overlook an offense”—the individual’s glory, not God’s glory. This is a rare occasion when glory is ascribed to people.

The principle of overlooking offenses is so important to our Lord that He lets people receive glory when they do so.

This is not the same kind of glory God receives; yet you or your partner can receive a kind of glory by letting the little ones go.

The secret to this principle is always to strive to raise the threshold of what you see as “little.” In other words, constantly try to let bigger and bigger offenses become smaller and smaller.

If your partner’s smallest offense that grates your nerves is not putting down the garage door, try putting it down yourself and letting it go.

Is it really a major problem? If so, perhaps you could approach it differently.

You have heard the expression, “That person has an attitude.” It is usually said to denote a problem. But attitude can be a virtue! Attitude.

The Importance of Attitude in Marriage

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is god’s will for you in christ jesus. – 1 Thessalonians 5:18

You have heard the expression, “That person has an attitude.” It is usually said to denote a problem. But attitude can be a virtue!

Attitude. What is it? It is a choice we make to look at life a certain way. It determines the atmosphere of our homes and the way we interact with other people.

Some people claim they were born with gloomy dispositions. Perhaps some of your family members seem to have been born with an abundance of gratitude genes whereas others seem to be shortchanged.

Some have a sore disposition whereas others can be ridiculously cheerful and grateful.

Yet we do not inherit gratitude genes from our parents. We choose to display gratitude. We can choose to be thankful and look for the best and the blessings rather than the defects.

We can choose to search, discover and not take for granted what we have or experience. It will be especially important in your marriage.

Gratitude unexpressed is wasted. If kept private, its benefit is never fully experienced by you or others.

A sense of gratitude can be infectious; it can affect the attitude of others.

We were probably taught to say, “Thank you.” It is even more important to thank God for all we are, all we have and all in which we delight. Again and again the psalms say, “Oh, give thanks to the Lord” or “I will give thanks to the Lord.”

Consider the following Scripture passages:
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful” (Col 3:15).

“Giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light” (Col. 1:12).

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Phil. 4:6).

The apostle Paul told the church at Thessalonica: “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thess. 5:18).

Scripture tells us that thankfulness is a prerequisite for worship: “Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks” (Ps. 100:4).

For what are you thankful? Take a few moments and write your answer. Could it be that some gratitude needs expression in a phone call or a note? What about your parents, grandparents or other relatives?

For what is your future partner thankful? I wonder what will happen when you look at your partner and say, “I’m so thankful for you”?

Perhaps you could ask your parents or partner today for what they are thankful. Never take one another for granted, but let everyone know your heartfelt thanks.

If it is difficult to see for what you can be thankful, begin to look with new eyes—with God’s perspective. Ask Him to illumine the eyes of your heart.

In the journey of marriage, communication stands as the essential path that determines the course of the relationship.

The Path of Communication

A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. – Proverbs 17:27

We had selected our destination—a lake miles away. It would take two hours of hiking to get there. As we left the parking area, we were suddenly faced with a choice of trails.

Of the three leading into the mountain area, one seemed to be more traveled and better kept than the others. As we hiked along, we soon discovered that this was a well-traveled and central trail. From time to time a secondary trail branched out to a lake, mountain or high meadow area.

We passed more than 12 branching trails before we reached what we thought was our destination. Instead of finding the lake we were seeking, we had reached a rise overlooking three small but inviting lakes scattered about a basin.

Our trail divided into three paths, each leading through the pines to one of these lakes. We now had a greater variety of available lakes for our fishing expedition.

Thinking back, we realized that our choice of the main path had given us a wide variety of options. No doubt we would have discovered one of the lakes we fished by taking one of the smaller-branching trails.

But the well-worn trail gave access to many natural delights. Without it, our experiences would have been greatly limited.

One of the main paths that feeds the marital relationship is communication. Communication is the main artery that gives access to other avenues.

“Without communication, the possibilities for a relationship become hopeless, the resources of the partners for the relationship are no longer available, the means for healing the hurts that previous communication may have caused are no longer present; and each, when he recovers from his need to justify himself and hurt the other, will find himself in a bottomless pit of loneliness from which he cannot be pulled except by the ropes of communication, which may or may not be capable of pulling him out again because of their weakened condition.”

Reuel Howe said: “If there is any one indispensable insight with which a young married couple should begin their life together, it is that they should try to keep open, at all cost, the lines of communication between them.”

Dr. David and Vera Mace painted the following picture of communication and marriage: “A marriage can be likened to a large house with many rooms to which a couple fall heir on their wedding day.

Their hope is to use and enjoy these rooms, as we do the rooms in a comfortable home, so that they will serve the many activities that make up their shared life.

But in many marriages, doors are found to be locked—they represent areas in the relationship which the couple are unable to explore together. Attempts to open these doors lead to failure and frustration.

The right key cannot be found. So the couple resign themselves to living together in only a few rooms that can be opened easily, leaving the rest of the house, with all its promising possibilities, unexplored and unused.

“There is, however, a master key that will open every door. It is not easy to find. Or, more correctly, it has to be forged by the couple together, and this can be very difficult. It is the great art of effective marital communication.”

Is one pattern of communication better than others? Is one style more productive than others? Many helpful books have been written about this topic during the past few years.

A much older book, however, provides the most comprehensive and helpful pattern of all. This book is called the Bible. You may want to read what is says.

The following verses will help you as you begin your journey: James 3:2; 1 Peter 3:10; Proverbs 18:21; 21:23; 15:4; 25:15; Ephesians 4:15,25.

Some rough and tough times may invade your marriage. Life is not smooth; upsets will come. You may wonder what the future holds for you and your partner. What can you do when problems occur?

When Tough Times Come

This is what the lord says: “let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that i am the lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these i delight,” declares the lord. – Jeremiah 9:23,24

Some rough and tough times may invade your marriage. Life is not smooth; upsets will come. You may wonder what the future holds for you and your partner.

What can you do when problems occur? It is simple. Praise God even when you do not know what will happen next. Praise Him for what He will do.

Such praise opens your life to some possibilities you may have never considered. By praising God, you not only become a risk taker, but you also become more aware of what He wants for you. This may be an uncomfortable idea for you.

It may mean that you praise God in an unpleasant job situation or during a difficult financial position.

It may mean praising God in spite of that taxing personal relationship you have in your family life. Perhaps you are troubled and perplexed about some situation. That is exactly when God wants you to praise Him.

When no answers or solutions seem to be available, and you face an immovable mountain, why not praise Him? What do you have to lose? You have already depleted your own answers.

Why not admit it and look elsewhere for solutions and have an attitude of acceptance? Lloyd Ogilvie offers an informative thought along this line: “Consistent praise over a period of time conditions us to receive what the Lord has been waiting patiently to reveal to us or release for us.”

We readily thank people after the fact or if we are guaranteed they will help us out of the predicament according to our plan.

To put our future in the hands of someone we cannot see or touch, however, and say, “Whatever You bring about in this matter, I praise You” is not typical. We resist, rebel and grate at the thought of praising God in every situation.

Think about it for a while before you discount the advice to give thanks “in all circumstances” (1 Thess. 5:18). You may have read and heard this passage presented dozens of times and perhaps ignored it.

On occasion, we grasp at it during times of panic. What if this principle of praise became as regular as our daily eating routine? What might happen to us? It is worth a try.

First, consider who you are praising. Who is God to you? To some, God is a figment of a person’s imagination. To others, a stone deity. A proper concept of God is basic to your existence and to practical daily Christian living.

The best definition of God that has lasted through the years is found in the Westminster Shorter Catechism. In answer to the question, “What is God?” the reply is: “God is a Spirit, infinite, eternal, and unchangeable in his being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness and truth.” Why were you created? To know God.

What can bring you more contentment, joy, delight and peace than anything else? It is the knowledge of God, as the Scripture passage for today says.

When you and I rejoice in the Lord, we do not do it because we feel like it; it is an act of our wills, a commitment. When we rejoice in the Lord, we begin to see life from another viewpoint.

Praise is our means of gaining a new perspective and new guidance for our bogged-down lives. You may be thinking you are too busy during the day to stop and praise God.

That is just the time to do it, when you are too busy, fretful and overwhelmed. Stop, clear your mind and praise God.

You will feel refreshed. Praising God in advance of a solution is an act of faith, a way of saying, “I don’t know the outcome, but I am willing to trust.” This will be a great boost for your marriage.

The number-one conflict during the first year of marriage is money. Some of your biggest disagreements may be about money, but they do not have to be.

Money and Your Marriage—Curse or Blessing?

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. – 1 Timothy 6:10

The number-one conflict during the first year of marriage is money. Some of your biggest disagreements may be about money, but they do not have to be.

Why does this happen? We all have different spending and saving styles. This is a reflection of our personalities.

Did you realize that money can be a weapon of independence? It can be the reason for arguments about responsibility and judgment. It can be used as a source of power and control.

Money not only buys clothes, cars, computers and stocks, but it can also buy power. Money can be a reflection of one’s self-worth.

Spending can be a way to help yourself feel good, to get your partner’s attention or to get back at him or her!

We all need money. Prices climb and the paycheck shrinks. The battle gets especially rough as you take on the payments of a home, car and then kids.

How will you save for a college education when tuition at many schools can cost as much as $12,000 to $16,000 a year?

How will you pay off your own school loans or credit cards? How do you continue to pay the bills when the expenses are too high? It is a struggle for all of us.

Some people have a different kind of problem with money—they love it. It becomes the reason for their existence, the source of their ambitions, their goal in life. Money is their god.

What part does money play in your life? Think about the following questions:

• What percentage of the day do you spend worrying about money?

• Do you spend more time thinking or worrying about money than you spend praying each day?

• When you are feeling down, discouraged or hurt, do you jump in the car and go on a shopping spree to help make you feel better?

• Do you wish your partner were more frugal, or would spend more?

• Do you have a specific plan for how much money you can spend each month when you are married?

• Who will be responsible for handling the money after you are married?

• Does the value you attach to yourself as a person fluctuate in accordance with the fluctuation of your net worth?

• To what extent has money been the source of arguments between you and other family members in your family of origin?

• If you listed all your canceled checks, what message would they tell about the place money has in your life?

• In the home you are leaving, to what extent have you operated on a well-defined budget that the entire family is aware of and has some voice in creating?

• To what extent do you have a plan to handle extra money that comes in unexpectedly? (That does happen, you know.)

• To what extent will you and your partner pray about money and the direction God wants you to take in using it for His kingdom and glory?

Think about these questions and develop some answers with your future partner.